Have you every felt that way? Like everyone and everything just makes you exhausted. I do not necessarily mean physically but mainly spiritually or emotionally. I think my feeling of exhaustion is coming from myself. Man, do I put the pressure on strong. Don't get me wrong, I am not a girl who crumples when given a task or has to have five "resting" days a week. I thrive when I am moving and doing, I think it is my nature. However, there comes a point when it is just too much. I have been putting pressure on myself to be the best at my job. To me, commendable is not good enough, I want superior. So I work hard and am constantly frustrated with myself when I do something wrong. That is not healthy. I am always pressured to do well in school and somehow I am always just mediocre. I have put a ton of pressure on myself to be involved in church. I want to live up to this potential that I know I have but somehow I always fall short. For example, I wanted to lead a ministry in my Youth Group. I was really excited and had a lot of ideas however, I waited too long to speak up and go for it and now another young lady has taken over that position. By the way, kudos to her for stepping up and doing it, it really makes me proud of her. Anyway, when I found this out, I kind of said "what do I do know?" I mean I thought this was my thing and now it is not anymore because I failed to...nope I just failed. I hurts me because I feel like this is a constant uphill battle for me. I feel like I can never live up to my expectations and in turn can NEVER live up to anyone else's expectations of me. I do not want to spend my whole life being the girl who "could've" but right now that is where I am. Sorry that this is so lame and kind of sad but no one reads this anyway so who cares.
